09 Feb - If Time, Could Be Turned Back..

Another Day of work, and finally ! I worked for a week without realizing it, Time passed like a blink of eyes indeed :) .. and yeaaaaaaaaaaa ! Tomorrow Off Day muahahahhaa ! Finally I can rest for the whole damn day after these exhausted works that implemented on !

Rush back home for dinner today as Mom cooked ~ Since then I know after working, you doesn't have the 'time' to spent with your family, or even have a meal with them.. and you will know how nice actually to be home and be a king or queen that being served by your siblings or parents. lol..

Had a little gathering with RO mates, everyone had changed. Not in attitude, still yet that talkertive and friendly of course. We don't have much time for each other already like how often we met last time usually as. Talk about RO, makes me wanna play it again ! hahaha.. and reminds us everyone, the days we missed out. It's sad, but still. Life, are to look forward. Now we know how to precious our time together, and make more time for each other too :) .. Was scrolling through the photos of ages ago. Seeing myself, and friends and everyone else. Things are going beyond imagination, everyone grow differently, things happened just so rapidly..

If I could really turn my time back, I wanna be at the age of 9. That I could know how to stop my parents from divorce, to create silly problems for my girl, and involve myself in homosexuality..But, we could only talk about it. And nothing can be changed, what can be changed it's the things that yet to be happen. So, what you're waiting for ? Let's do something to make our life wonderful, and never regret after. Hence, we can look back, with a Smile on our face, but not guilty and regretful.

5th Feb - Sweat Like a Dog .

WEW .. * owh too much DragonNest and learned from Pinnoys -.- *
WEW! What a Day ! It's my first Full Time of working today :) . and, It's freaking tired. Never been busy before like this, as there's toooooo many customer and tooooo little staff we had today @.@ .. But well, still I had an awesome day ! Also, Realizing school days are much fun than working :( .. Because you doesn't need to stand for 12 hours and feel the pain at your Back, to your Foot ! Like A Boss (Old Man) !

Quite alot of INTERESTING things happened today, as White People seems to, Interested in me O_O .. Yes. I got molested, well just abit. OK lar, he's quite good looking lar at least. HAHAHAHA :P !

and YEAAAAAAA.. lots of my friends : - Rebecca, Kristeen and Moky came to "visit" me ! Sort of 'gao lun dong' at my shop also. =/ .. Well, ok lar still at least baik hati abit. Not like IAN, Say " I sure come today ". MY FOOT, You put my aeroplane today x( ! and also. VIVIAN :DDD ! durh..

Still, I have no energy to write things already :( . Brain is like total blank .. O well.. That's all this short for today ! AAAWWWWWWW, Tomorrow is HOLIDAYYY ! :DDD , and I'm working. WTF...

Least of that, I'm glad to have my Normal life back again. At least, I doesn't need to have so much time to waste on unnecessary stuffs. Even better, making more suffers and mistake between you and I .. :') ...

4th Feb - This is it ?

Another day of working, was not that exhausted as were having lots of great time during working :P.. I know that's weird, but my store is just super awesome you know :).. Thank God of placing me in this place. heh..

Lots of friends were still asking about what happen and If is im fine. Thanks for all the concerns :).. certainly, I'm fine. But of course, I still won't able to be really Ok and forget about it at this time. I'll just take it as another memories, and a great history of companion in my life. Still , I need to let go ..

I thought of something , and wrote another thing in facebook, of course It's not complete , but well.. lol .. - :

有钱的爱情，很幸福.　要什么的得到什么 ;
普通的爱情，很幸福温柔.　因为彼此两方都会忍让，找最好的方法去体让对方.
没钱与真爱，很幸福温和甜蜜.　虽然没有所有想要与吃的东西，两方都会努力的取到，给爱的人自己最痛爱的东西，也彼此忍让，学习，珍惜与接受所有的缺点. :) ..
Wealthy Relationship can be Blessed,as you can get whatever you want.
Normal Relationship can be Blessed and Fondness, as both will tolerate and find the best way to treat each other to the max.
Lackness but True Relationship will be Blessed,Kindness and Compassion. Although can't have whatever they want, in both will work hard with their hard, and give the most Precious gift to their love ones. Learn how to tolerate, cherish and accept their defect. =)..

Everyone has their ups and downs in life, and it will never end. Each times it happens, it will be flabbergasted even more. But I learned this time, instead of avoiding it. Face it. Because when that thing is gonna end, It's the fact that it's gonna end. Don't take it as the world ends, but another part of the story ends. And time to start another paragraph after that full stops in the Book of Our Life. I believe, everytime we finally solve something. We will automatically gain rewards. Experience and Another Lesson. Theory of life, never ends. But each time we met, it's another theory. It's like study and learning, Until the day we die. We are still, Learning :) ..

3rd Feb - Difference

It's been sometime as I were so busy with stuffs around. Until i've actually neglected and put myself into sorrows and darkness. Until I found myself, here am I :)..

It was 2 months already for being away from High School. Things could have now changed so much, and so fast too. Instead of waking up everyday and repeating the same old schedule, There's much more socials entertainment and works needed to be entertain. It was a brand new start for everyone of Age 18, Different Environment , Different Thoughts, and Start a Different Growth.

You might think that being mature, it's by experiencing things. Even myself thought of that, and I realize it , it was so wrong. Because everyone mature in someway, Different people ; Experience different things. It's not wrong to give advise, but don't turn into Judgement. I started working in another job, instead in my Parent's Company. And I really learnt alot, instead of relying on parents giving you more expenses, You will understand how 'Hard Work' money came from, rather than just eat what you like, it's just like eating your own sweat, tiredness, and blood. Experience how really normal life is, if you're spending your Holiday at home doing nothing. Seriously, pack your bags and gain some of these to grow yourself.

Officially Single <3 :) ? Yea.. Just have a clear cut of it.. Guess that's the best for both of us. You know, you're really a wonderful person. Whoever that had on you the next, It's a bless. It was quite surprise for my friends, or even myself. As I could just Sacrifice literally Everything, even things I loves to do so much. But after awhile, by understand a relationship doesn't really work this way, and It's quite wrong to have it too.. But still, it was never a Regret being with you. 5Months+ , Could be a very part of the life I have, and the very mistake I won't make again :) ..

Footsteps might be remain at sight of ours, but the past is passed. We can't change it, but take it as a sign of Nostalgia for a little moment, that's enough. Instead of looking back all the sad one, replace the sand into the sorrow steps, and start making new footsteps that it's worthy.

Good Night Peeps, Time to sleep and work again tomorrow :(. Find me if you want :D ! I'm at Pavilion Bossini 5th Floor. Heh !

Sleepless Night

It's 5 In the Morning now.. I just can't sleep while thinking all the stuffs.. I can't stop myself reading back all the posts 2 years back.. Yours. And Mine.. I nearly broke down into my knees.. Praying hard to God, and to change me, bring me back to that Fantasy.. After years, I thought I could just forget it. But the fact is I can't. and I keep believe that there's a Purpose with this which God has made..
I couldn't bear with all the tears, It's not sorrows but hatreds of myself and regrets of life. That decision, Was never right.. If I could just be a little mature at that moment.. to make a right choice and stand for what is fair and justice for u, Nothing will happen.. And We'll still be happy together.
God, you know what I want. Only you know.. I've tried so much, So much that I've never give up on it still.. I just want you to take me a step further ahead, Lift me up from darkness, and bring me back on the track of Brightness.
The days of serving u, It's never a forceful thoughts. With Laughter , Joy, Peace, and Love I do it with.. Maybe God.. It's her that gonna push me all through these.. Maybe it's not mine already.. But at least, I know I tried, and I can get back on that Track that supposed to be together..

All I could do , it's just to tell myself to stay strong.. I wanted to make the right choice now, But I just doesn't have the guts, just because I was too obsessed on how he gonna feel. God, Help me on this. Give me a Way, and Strength..
You Love. Never Fails. You , Have Never Left Me. You, Are a God, That Always Exist and Around Everyone Else.. :) ...

'....'

A day of rest for SPM ! And yes, guess what? I slept til FREAKING THREE/3 O'CLOCK ! I just broke my record anyway. From yesterday night 9p.m. til today's noon 3p.m. O_O..
Well.. Printed like stack of AddMaths Paper as tomorrow is gonna be this retarded exam :( .. O God, please bless me to have a smooth one tomorrow ! Do until like a mad cow and crazy person today, and I even have Study Group at the night ! Anyway, 3 MORE SUBJECTS TO GO ! AND I'M GONNA SAY GOOD BYE TO ALL THESE !$@^#&@%!@ ~

Sigh, I don't actually know what to do and how to do it. God, you know what I mean only.. I mean.. Com'on.. You know what's the best way to solve this problem without any harm right .. ? Sigh.. I just wanna serve and worship you with a pure heart again.. you know that's what I always and most wanted for now.. =( ..

Anyway.. It's getting late here, Guess I better go to bed ! Woo.. Night People :) ! <3

New Creation

Something Special, and Something I should really remember and share. It's not like an ordinary things happen in our daily life, Not even on every person. I guess I'm precious and privileged by God.

I was asleep only at 6o'clock yesterday, I don't plan to go to church since after then I'm sleeping so late. Something pulled me up from the Bed like non of before does so, I used to slack on my bed more than 30minutes , snooze and snooze my Alarm Clock. But not this time, I woke up, Walk straight to my bathroom and get prepared and ready up. Again, I was fighting with my mom because I'm being late and slow, my mom went off and I thought she won't be back so to go Church and fetch me, but then things didn't bring me down and with decision of taking a cab to there. Astonished that my mom would turn back, but things didn't work out. We quarreled in the car and I got down the car and went church by my own. Having Arguement with my mom, or family members happens to be very common. It's like dipping your leg into the ice, there's the numb of it, which you couldn't feel and Family Love anymore.

All the while I've been doubting and questioning myself, Not but least ; Hating myself , too. I don't know what should I do, I don't know what's my direction, I don't know what's the decision I should have made. I could have make it with my mind, but never with my strength. I always thought that I'm not worthy for God, to praise and worship him. This Guilt, will never be gone. Carrying Around, with indescribable pain. Therefore I choose to avoid, Avoid from going church, Even . Avoiding from God..

People might be thinking, Homosexual is just supernatural. But I know, It's not. It's just the world whom influenced, and for me, I'm influenced without any solution to get out this cage. It's hard for people to understands a person like me, Problems, Questions, Doubts are about everywhere and everything. Somehow, when I blamed on God why does It happens such things on me? I've been serving abundantly , putting Him as Priority, Giving and Sacrificing all my time for him and his kingdom. 1 by 1 , I looked on people walking out from the church. True friends and close Sisters and Brothers of mine, I always told myself, I doesn't wanna be like that. I know, It's not God's Problem neither the Church. But It's just myself, and other issues of. I've never failed to give a prayer every night, but in worry that God will be answering ? I'm just too ashamed of myself..

A pastor from India came to our church to preach today, Rev Dr. Joshua Paul. I thought that It would be just another boring grandpa stories, that I just wanna finish it quickly and go for lunch. It became the opposite, founding out that He's quite an Interesting person and with the carry of God's Words, and I found why and who woke me and controls me in the morning I woke up. The Purpose is to re-explore my eye, cleanse me , and letting me know, God it's still there. Jesus was always beside me without fail. I walked into the church at the very first time, with the heart rock and ache in it. I can't actually control well my tears until the worship session had finished. I was like, What was happening to me ? Never been before I'm like this though..
After the Worship session, as same like Altar Call. I didn't planned to go at first.. But somehow, when the service ends. Whispered into my ears : Son, Go. My heart was pushing me and urged for the Words and Prayer, In the same time inside me, There's something pulling me back and telling me ' Hey, just go for your lunch. Aren't you're hungry ? '. Again, something was fighting over in my heart, and caused an Ache again. But I know the voice of God, will never mislead me.

Again, I was always the last one to be prayed for. Just at the moment, I wanted to pray for my SPM examination and just have ways and path opens for me, without any further on going. I was still keen on avoiding God, keen on continue doing the stuff I was comfortable but not pleasing God. Before I could finish telling what I wanted to pray for and my problems, the Pastor just prayed for me. Telling me things That I wanted to tell, Things that I'm currently been through, Things that No One Knows, But only God Knows. Louder and Louder. Commanding and Commanding. Rebut and Rebutting. As much I've first time ever felt the anointing and Holy Spirit. In Second, I was freezing at the Sanctuary turns me into a Oven that makes me warmly sweated. I couldn't feel myself when I got blown by the Spirit. I can't control Or even know what I'm doing. and For the very first time too, I saw God. as I always , Wanted to. To see how God really looks like. He's just, too holy, too bright, and too glory to be described. I could feel that single touch of his hand to me, that I'm relieved. Another hand, My head was pain in burst that something was keep coming out from me, and I bet that was the Demon, Demons and Evil Spirits I mean. After everything was released.. I felt so blur but so much peace in me. All I know, It's to Thank God and Not forsaken his Will again.

I've finally know that, Actually God didn't leave me aside. But It's me that left him at the Corner, yet he's still there watching me every single second. I believe again, No one it's not worthy to worship and praise him. Everyone does, Even wrong or right, You deserve to walk to him and say sorry for forgiveness. And that's what I've learn today. No one might understands me, but God will understands me.

As a New Creation God has made on me, God, You've shown me your Power ; Now show me the ways, the right solutions, and what I should do. Thank you God, You're awesome.. And you've never, ever, give up on me no matter how deep I've fallen.. :') ..

Better Than Death.

Suffocated month I can say, I'm sorry but again I'm here to post some emo stuff and complains about my life, But this is the only place and way for me to express whatever things were in me that I couldn't shout it out and cry it out so loudly..Indeed, I'm in pain which I don't know what to do..And I can't see what's happening even tomorrow..
Family problems has yet to be solved, I have a Paranoid Family as everyone knows. I'm not here to degrade nor make embarrassment of myself, But I do have the very 'Weird' family of. I don't know what to say, As I wanted to study so hard you know.. I could only blame my future is totally ruined by my family. Yes, You might think " Future is by your own hand, dont ever blame anyone else. " LOOK , put yourself in my shoe. Saying and Advising It's easy, But when you do ? Or when you're in that situation? I don't think you could even bare with how it feels of killing yourself immediately. Even when you ask your sibling nor parents to fetch you for tuition, they could just answer your :" I'm not free, so you don't need to go. " When my arguement starts like, HEY , I wanna study and I need to work next time, are you gonna feed me for the past years of it? As they goes : " Just go study yourself. " Dude, What do you mean by YOURSELF? Do you ever know Secondary schools teachers nowadays DOESN'T gives any DAMN nor EFFORT? What they can do is telling you :" Here's the example question * a 1 or 2 question, finish the whole topic and chapter * " If you dont like it, just be it, I'll still get my salary ". All my works, knowledge and understandings depends on my Tuition. I even taking a hard time to take my FEES? You're treating people out there, having dinners and meals like a day equals to my 1 month of fees? And you're yelling and screaming at me that saying " NO MONEY, U JUST STOP YOUR TUITION LAR " . What the fucking problem with you guys ? When I wanna go to school so hardly, You took away the transport, and let me to die just like that. Great, I've been skipping school for almost a week. That's what you wish, just because you doesn't want me to drive, you took the car away, and without think of the consequences. Screwed up parents, family. Seriously, Fuck you all.
When I'm at home, You tell me ' DONT STAY AT YOUR ROOM '. As I'm actually Studying and doing Revision , You don't even fucking believe I do. All you have is Doubts on me. When I'm Out, You're so fucking angry. What do you want really? Asking me to live outside? You even curse my friends and saying them not good, WITHOUT knowing them and see-ing them. You thought your Pasar Aunties Is very good? At there gossip about people's son, Worse thing, You go support them , from saying how bad your own son is. :) *a round of applause*.
I could only say, Without my Friends. I'm nothing. All I could rely, it's on them sometimes. I really doesn't like to count on other ppl, I feels so bad, from taking people's time away. I mean, I'm just doesn't like to take ppl for granted , And i always wanted to do something to repay them. But sometimes, I can't though i wanted so hard..
I'll just take these as Experiences of Life, And a Good Motivation. I'm pure numb to my family, I guess i wouldn't have any tears even they passed away. I don't know. I'm just numb, and lost. I wouldn't be like how they work as, that they can't even manage their own customers in a good way. Trust me.. I'll move out once i'm 18, I'll live my own, Use my Own and Still I'll Pay you guys up, to shut u guys up.

Boohooooooo !

I'm having no class today ! Due to the marathon of the 1Malaysia thingy :P is a replacement of it. Yeap ! Went to Sri Cempaka's International Understanding Day ! Theme were South Korea. It's my very 1st and very last I.U attends :P. Didn't know that was like super short, well it was nice lar, but not satisfied much with the time occupied and numbers of performances. Eventhough of that, we all have a great afternoon there :). IT'S Doesn't seems like primary or high school, much as like Colleges or Uni. It was huge and laughter all along the tour with my forever Brother-Bryan. Thanks for everything yea !

Took a few artistic pictures. While the pictures bring me lots of meaning or stories behind. * well you know, I'm like such a sentimental guy :X * ..

Most of the time we always only know how to look on the bright part, yet we never try to expand the light and shines over the dark and be a influence to other people or things. It's wonderful for people who knows how to take a good view of angle towards life, but life isn't just like this, is not just about the bright parts or looking at the right. Because if there's no Mistake in life, There's no Growth in us. No one in this world are Mature , except God. Everyday we are learning, even a single drop of water brings us meaning behind.

Be a Influenza, and shines like this light, which brings the dark to bright. Be a leader which leads people to the way of good doors, and resist yourself from falling back to the darkness again. Think out of the box, and you'll see much different stuff of it :)..
Is August already, and good bye to July. Blink of eyes, is already more than half a year.. Sigh, I only know and stress about my works and studies. tsk tsk.. 1 more month to get my license ! arghh.. can't wait for it =/..

As a promise to self, I wouldn't go out already as the trial or even the final is just around the corner, I have only 30 days to prepare. And my brain is empty with numbers or alphabets nor sciences. Of course, having dinner for awhile or a meal will still do lar, but don't ask me out to drink or yam cha til late late lor :( .. Later I cry and burn night oil everyday, you will see this monkey become panda already ..

Anyway !! Time to seek for my sexy bed ~ It's whispering to meeee.. Woooo.. Woooo..
O YEA, HAPPY FASTING AND BUKA PUASA TO ALL MUSLIMS FRIENDS ! :D .

Prefect Credential 2011

It's towards the end of the middle of the year soon, of course as usual. It's Prefect Credential Day Today ! A bunch of new born of Juniors Prefect are now ready to become Senior :) , And We All These Seniors, come to the time of Retirement.

"At times we thought that Everything gonna be better by rushing through the Due Dates. But when we stand at the passing line of it, Looking back at all the times and efforts we made, tears scars bloods that stained, Somehow there's sorrows and a happy pain remains in the heart..

Because we know, We all gonna miss those moments after today :') .."

We Always Been Craving For Today's Arrival ,So that we wouldn't need to run our duties again and look at the stupid faces and stress up on the juniors or being called all the time for help anymore.. But It came to the time of today which prove our statement are wrong. We were still having the heart of Discipline Boards together in the school, doesn't feels like taking off the Yellow Tie which followed us for the past 5 years. And of course ! We will never need to Queue for our Break Time! And Take All The Time We Want To Eat Until We Full.

Well , As Traditional In Our Prefect Board Of My School. Prefect Credential Meetings in the Morning are called ' The Last Bully '. We didn't did much as we didn't know that we have LOTS of time, really LOTS of time. So we missed quite alot of fun as bullying the Juniors for the very last time.

We Are No Sexiest. So Yes ! The Girls Also Need To Be Done ! Star Jump and Clapping Hands In The Very Morning. Seniors Treat You All So Good Right :) ? We Gave A Very Good Starting In The Morning, Exercises. You Fat Asses !!

We Result Of Guys, Every year will never fails to have the unlimited times of bumping until they sweat like a wet sponge ! You guys should really workout, how are you gonna learn us, seniors, chasing those students that have problems? Haihz.

The 16 Musketeers In Form 5. Some Of Us , Like Me ~ Been Serving For the School For 5 Years :P. We all Had Great Time Together, Bullying Students, Doing Illegal Stuffs.. Well Just Kiddingz lol. The Last Yellow Day :( . * Suddenly I Realize Yellow Is Kinda Nice And Unique , Because There's No School Using It *

Teehee ~ Trophy and Certificate Of Appreciation :P !

2011/2012 Head Prefect And All Other Highest Position Prefects In The Board.
Congratulation :) !

Time To Eat As Much As We Can For The Very Last Year !

Only For Form 5 Seniors. Wakakakkaka ~

Group Photo :) .

Huge Family Photo :) .

The Very Not Following Rules Seniors Yet The Scariest Humans In The School :X.

Remembering the days being together. We've been going through Ups and Downs everyday, Different Cases, Different Problems. We are always one heart together :). What Problems We've not Seen in the School ? I do not regret being a Prefect, as the experience are fully occupied and stirred. Although we thought we gonna be happy, We still ends up with tears because we wasn't really ready to let it go yet. But still, We Have To.

My Dirty Yellow Tie Was With Me Since Form 1, 5 Years of relationship. I've just dump into the washing machine , dry it, iron it and hang it. It's kinda sad, I know it's kinda stupid to be sad for a tie. But everything we used for a long time contains a relationship with it.

During the speech, finally felt the proudness and satisfaction of producing another year of Us. Although these people been drying up our saliva and making us really goes crazy and mad. But well, It's still Juniors. Time passes so fast, and we didn't realize we were the head of everything already for this year.

Thank you, to my friends whom be with me for the past 5 years, supporting me in ways of my ideals and ego of goodness. We will still get along and duty , but well maybe chatting more than duty and being a display purposes behind the assembly already :). Wishing you guys all the Best in SPM.

And To All The New Juniors. Bless and Wish That You All Will Bring Wonders To The School :). And Make Us Proud Once Again