Year 2010, Indeed is gonna be end. Looking back, mountain of mountains which goes high on top and deep down there, is the toughest year in my teenage life. I've wrote a note which about me, For those who don't know, here it is ( http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1582724410243&id=663938036#!/note.php?note_id=447783352388 ). I don't really care what will people think about me after reading this, there's people , alot of people questioned me :" Hey, don't you worry about your church members thinks about you? Hey, what if your family or siblings or relatives saw this post, don't they get a real big shock , etc. " You know what, I'm super happy, with what i've been through and what i've posted and wrote on that note. Because every single corner and coincidence nor Problems. God, is always there for me. And It relates and let me understands that, God, You do exist, You are more and more real , to me. Everything is Revocable, By God, And With God.
Overall of everything, I've think back, one by one sitting alone on the bed today, Reflects and Refracts, What's right and what's wrong, what's to be changed and what's is to be improved. The very 1st thing I would ever thought of, Is always putting the first Priority for God. not First, But in the very very beginning and first position, Is always belongs to God. " Seek my kingdom first, and everything else will be given to us" (Mt 6:33).
I'm a stubborn person, I'm a hot tempered person, I'm not a perfect person, I admit all of these. But 1 thing I can be proud and sure that, God, You're perfect and You're the example and image to everyone. That what's gonna makes me be another better person in the future, day by day, because I have you. Who always guide and take care and look after me, in time of happy , in time of sorrows, you are always here for me.
Is a huge difference from all other years compared to this year. Physically and Mentally nor Spiritually. I've never been in clubs and pubs , but this year I went and started. But of course, I've already stopped now :P. In REMEMBRANCE, lol. well just a peek back. Being a gay, is really a sudden thing to me, and to everyone else. Because of this, I've did so many so many stupid things.. I've tried to commit suicide, which I've failed. Stress and Pressures makes me spend and Wasted so many money in the dammit 5 months ! ( Assuming that is around RM15k+ ). Fight with my family, my friends, my siblings. Packed bag and stayed outside alone. Made me churchmates and leaders and pastor to worry me * oops *. BUT THAT'S ALL THE PAST ! I can frankly tell you, If you're a gay, and you really wanna become straight back. Come and seek me. And I'll bring you to seek God. That is the very only way, to have a convert back :) . No one can do it, But MY GOD , Can do it. With Faith and No Doubts I'm Here To Dare YOU to KNOW and TRY my GOD.
I don't know as like some people has told me, Maybe this is my ministry ? Maybe I'm the one, who gonna make this difference to all of them ? Susana gave me a Note which Ps.Anthony Castro prophecy on me. And I still having it, Just pasted behind and above of my monitor screen. : " God wants you to Please him, and by that you will not swerve to the left nor to the right. You are actually going to walk on the straight path..... Pastor's Anointing..... And just take it step by step... " It was a huge shock to me, because in my heart i always know that , Aiya. Impossible la, I'm a sinner , Big sinner some more. Although yea, I always wanted to be a good example to everyone, in my mind it just say can't. But today i understands that, I will be that, Like God told me how to do it step by step, And it will be continued from today again.
This year camp are just fantastic wonderful. I've fire up and flame up high again for God , as well as all the other youths. Keep It Up Guys ! Remember ! We Can Make A Difference Though We Are Still VERY Young. :) ! I've never felt like this before, The worship was amazing when the Power of Wave of God just came, God Presence was so strong, With that Wave, We just kneel down and Cried out so loud and pleased him, We didn't drop 1 by 1 , but Everyone just went down all together. God spoke to me for over 30minutes.. And I felt how Heaven actually feels. I've played without knowing that I'm singing so freedom and Played by the Spirit.
My aims and plans for the future are everywhere, I'm a person that will plan for EVERYTHING before I do my stuff. In my plannings i even promised myself, by the age of 18 i'm out for another world to conquer. I will study I.T and side work for my mom / dad. And I will earn at Least 1 million in that year, And open a company by the age of 20. And another Side work for myself after i graduate.That's a stamp on here. And that's a guarantee here in this note. Reminds me people, whenever i forgot , and lost myself :P.
It always comes to the end and conclusion, refreshment of the year just like Facebook Homepage. After you hit on the refresh button or F5, New things just popped up and the old status just gone lost. For those you've read, take it as an experience , Teach the people who need to overcome the similar problems. Because life are always never steady with all the problems that devil had made. It's a tough year, But i know probably next year will be tougher, and there's more things for me to encounter and seek God's solution. That's what gonna makes me grow more and be stronger with God.
My Church Theme for the Year " Love came down, And Everything Changed " Is just so true, who will live, without the love that you're always seeking, Imagine how bad your life gonna be, If there's no Love. Is very miserable , That you can never ever imagine how you gonna live on the next second. For us that have lovely dumpy from your family, relatives, your boyfriend or your girlfriends. Is that Love really satisfied you? Because I have a different Love, That is always satisfied me and never let me down. That's God's Love. He first love us, how do i know? He made a sacrifice on Christmas day, He sacrifice his One and Only Son, just to die on the cross to clean ALL of our sins, Christian or not Christians, Everyone, He saved All of Us. Jesus live like how we does in this World, with emotional, with angers and with pains. Would you really do that,If you had a send, Send your son, and die by crucified him like this, Just for the people that doesn't even care about you ?
God, you've been so real, so so so real in my life. Maybe no one knows and understands, but God, I will testify all Goods and Miraculous things you made and helped me in my life in all over the world. I will have no shame to saying that, by testifying those who will think bad about me, because you've make me different and changed me. From up to down and down to up, negative to positive. Thank you, for allowing me to know you, and gave me everlasting love.
I don't wanna be just a drummer next year like what I've did this year. I've wasted too much time, By serving is just not enough, by just bringing 3 people to know Christ in 1 year, is just too less. I have my aims on for God 1st next year, I'm gonna evangelism more like I've not did before. I will organize lots of stuffs for the youth groups and brings more friends in for participation. I'm gonna know God more and more from the hair to the foot. I don't wanna be just a Drummer, but a Guitarist , a Pianist and a Singer for God. I'm gonna finish my Bible by next year. and I'm gonna study his Words , Before I Study all my others Chemistry bla bla bla. Not Fighting Against my Family and Anyone Else, Endure and Tolerate With the Peace of God:). Brings my family to know God, and all others friends i know of. I'm gonna make a difference in my Exams and Study. And Of Course, I'm gonna Get a Girl :X LOL . ( Already got some one in my mind la XD !!! Still Tackling .. and Waiting XD .. )
Because God, I know you will give me this strength and intelligent to overcome my exams, my problems and everything. With God, nothing is Impossible. And He, will always gives us the challenge which we can handle, He always know what our limits is. From the problems occurs which is so painful, until we need to kneel down, God , will be the 1 Who pull you up again, never steps into the deep hole, and be tempted by the Evil one.
So, What's your Aim and Resolution for Year 2011 ?
I have mine already. And I will start doing by today.
"Ask , And It Shall Be Given. Seek, And You Will Find. Knock, And It Shall Be Opened For You"
-God Promises Never Fails-
With Love And Joy and Faith and Trust,
Kenneth
A Special Child Of God.
P/S : feel free to leave comments :) !
I Love My Youths ! And That's I will be staying Forever ! :) !
