Words without Describe

I could only say, probably what I thought of previously, " maybe things are really getting better ". Isn't just that right.. 2012.. Just wasn't a good year for Everyone.. I've learnt real lots this year, until today. Really.. and by that I know I've became physically, mentally and spiritually stronger. Things that doesn't kills you, eventually makes you stronger.

Realizing, I wasn't alone were something important. I'm happy to get new true friends in College, because all this while, friends that takes me for benefit and granted are just uncountable.. I couldn't bear my tears coming out when I think of what happened in my relationship. I've make so much blames and doubts in myself.. What did I do that caused Him like this ? Ain't I good enough to deserve He's love ? My mind was piece of blank darkness, that It almost made me kill myself. But No.. I know I need to stay tough and go through all these, in order for the future and working out things even more effectively. Being Strong, and Never Give Up. Are just the main point and focus in relationship, and everything we do.

I know by keeping a fake smile, wouldn't hide much longer. It's just , way too painful and hurtful I could take  it.. The moment I speak out with xx , I just pour out whatever I could.. that's the only thing I could do, to cry out the pain in my deepest heart .. I just want things to be simple, a relationship just that someone could let me lean on when I in need, someone that will let me care for, as well as a accompanion..

Love myself more before loving others.. is just something I already been learning, but it's just not easy for me.. Because I just priority the one I love first.. But this time I understand the meaning of it, and I've learnt it well. While I can't love myself, I will never worth or deserve to love someone's heart. Not just in relationship, friendship as well.

By making things to work out, I really think I should start learning and give some space in between both. A gap that we could breath. But faith and trust that remains.

Only one thing that I can rely on, That's Looking Up into the sky, and Think Forward of ' Hope '. :')..

A Smile.

I've learned a lot today, realized a lot today. So much that I couldn't say, I believe it's only between both of us know :) .. We both just have to work it out, and not give it up. I Love You.

Uhhhh..Aaahhh..

Books ? Yes, It's books and notes.
Finals starting tomorrow, and I'm totally Doomed. I have no idea why I just couldn't remember a thing at all eventhough I've studied completely for 3 times. Guess I'll just go with luck, idiot core sub which is in Malay huh =/ .. Why on earth does College still have Malay based subjects. Grrraaahhh..

Was pweetttyyy happy today, and things just going well as my brain doesn't think any other stuffs. Guess I've doubt & worrying too much of it. As me and my boyfriend were really going into a super busy time, and starts to have less communication :( . Stillllll ~ nothing will tear us away! Anywayyy, Had a good late lunch with sis. Went to this small little Japanese Restaurant that sells Onigiri ( Japanese Rice Ball , Triangle Type ). It was AWESOMEEEEEE. I shall get more and take picture soon. Anyone wanna go try :D?

Realizing that even all my past and experienced, has gave me a solution and guides to other people that facing the same obstacles that I used to face. God is great, as He's plan always has a purpose. It's not easy to handle a suicido friend, but If you've experienced it and you're alive today. I believe that particular solution is something that you used to overcome.

These people just came to me, and with the same reason and questions. I couldn't bear and just share with them all my ugly past and rainbow life now. I don't believe in eternity love when people tell me ' Ohh, We'll be together FOREVER ' . Seriously, you don't even bypass the stage of being a Whore. Because that's a level which everyone will have, and only after stabilize down for a proper sustained relationship :).

I've enjoyed much life now, knowing that worry is just part of the unnecessary. Because by complaining and just staying at the same square foot, we'll never able to change a thing.