Is nothing but is all just an examination periods now.. Not just school exams.. Spiritual.. Relationships.. Everything just crunch again in 1 day..
I thought i would be joyful enough and not to think of those things again.. But i don't know if it's the temptation .. if it's what really made of the fade.. God, why do you want me to back to this..
I've never let you go do you know.. why am I so stubborn knowing that you wouldn't like me anymore .. and I still put my head into the drain when i know the drain is so dirty..Why do all flashback came to me again.. Why do i actually can not stop loving you for this 5 years.. I tried.. I tried very very hard and my best.. to remove you.. Do you all know how it feels.. ? Feelings of tearing your own parts of body into pieces ? Or even just pierce your own heart , and you will know..
I know my family , especially my mom loves me a lot.. But do they actually care about me and know what I am thinking and what I'm doing every time..? Going out is just an excuse for me.. Do they even know I've actually just sit by the roadside and wanna be alone.. or in the Garden.. ? I'm 17.. And I'm not any ordinary 17.. I'm way more than that.. Let me grow.. stop stopping me from being emotional expose.
I don't want to be lost again.. Is really scary.. I don't wanna lose my way back to the Light again.. Because there's actually no fun in the darkness .. But what can I do.. Why do i always have this mindset.. Why do i always to be a hypocrites ...
Telling people not to think they are awful .. but I always reminds that how awful and idiot i am .. Telling people always to smile with their real hearts out, but I always hide myself and show a smile mask again..
Maybe .. I'm really nothing to anyone ..
Things doesn't goes well, and eventually getting worse.