13th September 2010

Went to a few places down through-out the week ! Pretty awesome for that Thursday Friday And Saturday Is Fully Enjoyed. Well Did Count My Hours of Awake. Total of 57 hours ! Cool right ? But Did took my recovery for 16hours sleep. hahaha ! With You Guys were Awesome ! You know what! Awesome! And I'll always Remember YOU kicked me and made my forehead got 1 scar now =( ! Got myself Sunburn. and now is Ouch ! arghhh !
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Well is good to have days of brain blank. While coming back again the complicated brain of mine actually.. Is just feels so bad.. i can't stop thinking of doing things in the next minute..sigh.. thing just get crumble, Crumbled Totally..

I want to do so many Things ! Yet I don't have the strength to do it ! I feel like I'm a total bullshitter ! Instead of saying drawing in this paper, I Drew at another one. You're So Right.. Thank You For Scolding me.. And now I'm asking myself so much, What Do I Really Want? What Things I Really Need ! Indeed.. No one can understands me, Because Even MYSELF can't understand of my Own. Closest Friends Will Even Say And Ask :"Could You Ever Stand Of Kenneth? His Attitude And Personality Is Like, WOW ! The Bad WOW, Not The Good WOW." Frankly.. I Know I'm a hardly handle person. Is not EVERYONE that can endure and tolerate me so much as I'm so self conscious and over Esteem. But I am Trying my best.. To humble myself and back to the normal and better me..

Things just get worse while i'm Growing.. I really wanted to tell "You". Just let me and see me Fall. If i never does.. i Will never experience and Understands it. Is a experience of Life. Just let me gain it. And let me Fall it ! Let me climb back myself.. But Pull me when I falls too deep.. I Wanna turn back. I REALLY REALLY .. Wanna turn back.. But it's just so hard.. Back to the life which i really had the 1st Priority with God.. And hear God always. And being so faithful and Holy.. Talking about Him just All the time.. I can't do it.. I'm afraid to face Him now even.. because of All the Sins i had did.. and the Things i'm continue doing now.. Somebody. Please . Help me .. I know.. No one can help me but only myself.. I don't have the strength.. I really doesn't had it .. I Have so much and uncountable things to be said.. but i don't found the Old me. that knows how to express and tell it out to the Right person anymore. I Don't even have the Guts anymore because i know is a waste of time for the person im telling.. as they advise.. after some time i'll just back to old me..

I'm really awake.. I wants to do it.. But i really scare to hurt him/her.. I can see.. I have a Eye to observe and see so properly.. how much I meant to him and how much he/she loved me.. I don't know what to do.. HELP ME ! I WANNA JUST GO BANG WALL OR JUST JUMP OF THE BUILDING... I JUST WANNA GET NUMB AND GET KILLED .. I'm AWAKE EVERYDAY .. EVERYNIGHT.. Thinking of RUBBISH .. Kenneth.. You're just.. Wonderfully Made To Be A Monster..

Watched the movie on Saturday. OldCow Something.. And I really.. Cried.. All The Memories.. All The Hurts.. Just From That 1 Scene.. Flash Back.. All The Way..Hope You're Living Well Up There.. Caeson..

I have so many things to tell u my dear.. I'm so.. regret.. letting you go.. and let you hate me.. I want to be the number 2 again in ur heart.. I've made so much mistake.. and knowing you now are actually the best girl.. Is too late.. Is just.. All Too Late..

Human Beings are just so " Fan Jin " .. When a proper well shaped vase Is made on the table. we doesn't use it yet complain is so ugly and damn useless even .. When it's broken. We'll only understands how much it's actually worth and how useful it is and yet Regret ..

I Would Really Gave Everyone A Permission To Slap Me Awake. Slap Me Or Whack Me Hard.. Makes Me Know What I Am. Makes Me Know What I Want. Makes Me Know What I Really Wants..

Beautiful One.. I Missed You So Much Do You Know.. Sigh..Maybe Is Already Became All Lies Already.. I'm.. Nothing..