24th August 2009 - Another Total Exhausted Days

Recently after i recovered from my Stupid H1N1... Don't really have a good rest.. why? LoL everyone knows im so desperated for my server, of course ! Used 15++nett Hours on my server, that i would now think back why am i so much of times.. to do such a thing ..is like wasting entired of my life time with it.. that even exam im not studying..

I've been thinking of Giving up alot of times.. See-ing my server growing day by day, makes me more passionate and also not stop doing all things to make it a perfect server.. But also each day saw forums.. so called Feedbacks.. tht i dont think is feedbacks that is really criticized complains. Really really making me lost intrest.. and changing of minds for that moments..I'm really tired.. really exhausted.. no 1 knows.. how's difficult for a hoster.. though i doesn't script or what.. but each day u all doesn't know that.. i was looking into it.. and try it myself.. special thanks to few person, that really really helped me up quite alot.. giving me encouragement,support and also advise..

I thought before that, opening server is real easy, just setup and on ur comp, everything is ready at eAthena ( the publisher ). I Thought it would be really easy to handle and also making people satisfied..
All of this thoughts is my Mind is all full of BULL SHITS , that i was blaming and scolding myself why do i think so much of these darn "thoughts"?

I dont found any joy and happiness now.. sometimes i'm really feddup and just wanna go out to the top of the hills to get myself a big shout. That nothing can release my stress.. No 1 now.. can talk to me.. like what it does last time.. I must know that.. HE is already gone .. forever..

I'm getting a life that much much more sinful..That i'm doing so many negative things just to release all my stress and emoness.. how i wish.. God u will just rescue me once more.. and make me forget about everything of these shitty life..

Getting a Blessed Life and Happy Life is wasn't that easy.. now i realise why ppl said to me.. " much more things of this world, even worst u haven't saw.." and i know i'm in the path of growing , but is either in a wrong path or a correct path only.. Argh.. i'm so lost in the world.. is my own life.. in my life path...

Exhausted and Tiredness.. Really burns me up 1 day.. that anyone would'nt see me anymore