Drainage

Returning to blog means, It's time to mark down things again. Throwing the aches, and perhaps thoughts that I should be leaving behind visually. It's been awhile, and it's the very first post in this year. Considering that I'm gonna blog again. :) Which means, more ke-po-kia gonna ke-po and visit my blog again. Hahaha..

I'm entering 20 this year. I believe that I've grew a lot, as well. Mentally, Physically and also Spiritually. Wide range of point of view, and much, much different from the previous time. Some of you might question, Why am I coming back to blog again? Its because, I have no wear to drop my tears, and I don't want to be in Facebook whereby Hi-Bye friends just go "Like" or think whatever shit they want to. Because in Blog, I could elaborate what I am thinking, rather than a short status which implement, Nothing.

As topic, I talked about Drainage. I wasn't seems much know what to do with my life right now, and I Doubt If I'm really actually happy. I have a perfect boyfriend, I'm happy with my relationship. But It just doesn't seems that the Happy means I'm having means, Happy. I'm a very aggressive person, as well as a partner. I'm self-fish with my relationship, ( Well , WHO DOESN'T? DURHH .. ) Which simply means, HE'S ALL MINE. So yes, my boyfriend stays with his Ex which they were together for 3 years, til date, they still do stay together. I'm actually really proud with myself, for having such high mentality and E.Q to conserve such relationship. I mean, WHO WILL ABLE TO STAND THAT? Well, I did. Miraculously, we're entering 6th month.

I did not bother much, and I'm being really generous. By that It doesn't MEAN that his Ex-Boyfriend and currently, my friend, can take me for granted. I mean, everything has a limit and boundary, and I did not even stop my boyfriend from being friends with him. Let's just cut it short, I just felt Less Important to my boyfriend, It's like he's much important than me. Which causes quite some conflicts because of Him. Sometimes I just felt like asking, between me and his Ex. Please, just choose one.

I'm not being self-fish, but who doesn't do the same thing If you're actually trying to work out the relationship so much? So much of love I've given, I even stopped myself from so much entertainment just because I don't want my boyfriend to worry or think so much. But in my mind, he just seems doesn't care about me that much. So what should I do ?

My best friend threw me a question, a very, very simple yet difficult question. She asked me:
" Don't you think you're draining so much from this relationship ? You seems so happy when you're with him. But in the meanwhile, there's so much of things draining you away from your friends, your family or even, Yourself. How long can you survive if you're gonna be like this, and He just doesn't care about you ? " At this while, it wakes me. It took me awhile to realize, everytime when I talked about my boyfriend, I cried. Because there's no word I could describe about my current situation. I don't know If I should be Happy, or Sad.

Drainage in relationship is really scary. Because you wouldn't know If it's good for you. You can be actually so happy with that particular person, and in the meantime, you're being sucked away with tears and thoughts which really hurtful.

Yes, I'm being drained so much.. that I'm worry that I have nothing to drain anymore and turn into numbness. I will never give up on this relationship, but I just hope by swallowing these stuffs. It'll will still keep me moving, and I still have the hurtful feelings to keep my hit and know that, I still Loves Him.

What about you?