Words without Describe

I could only say, probably what I thought of previously, " maybe things are really getting better ". Isn't just that right.. 2012.. Just wasn't a good year for Everyone.. I've learnt real lots this year, until today. Really.. and by that I know I've became physically, mentally and spiritually stronger. Things that doesn't kills you, eventually makes you stronger.

Realizing, I wasn't alone were something important. I'm happy to get new true friends in College, because all this while, friends that takes me for benefit and granted are just uncountable.. I couldn't bear my tears coming out when I think of what happened in my relationship. I've make so much blames and doubts in myself.. What did I do that caused Him like this ? Ain't I good enough to deserve He's love ? My mind was piece of blank darkness, that It almost made me kill myself. But No.. I know I need to stay tough and go through all these, in order for the future and working out things even more effectively. Being Strong, and Never Give Up. Are just the main point and focus in relationship, and everything we do.

I know by keeping a fake smile, wouldn't hide much longer. It's just , way too painful and hurtful I could take  it.. The moment I speak out with xx , I just pour out whatever I could.. that's the only thing I could do, to cry out the pain in my deepest heart .. I just want things to be simple, a relationship just that someone could let me lean on when I in need, someone that will let me care for, as well as a accompanion..

Love myself more before loving others.. is just something I already been learning, but it's just not easy for me.. Because I just priority the one I love first.. But this time I understand the meaning of it, and I've learnt it well. While I can't love myself, I will never worth or deserve to love someone's heart. Not just in relationship, friendship as well.

By making things to work out, I really think I should start learning and give some space in between both. A gap that we could breath. But faith and trust that remains.

Only one thing that I can rely on, That's Looking Up into the sky, and Think Forward of ' Hope '. :')..