Storms

It's been awhile i didn't update anything as things been goes well and i got lazy to blog about and update in it. Not until recently..

I have no where to express.. Other than to friends, facebook.. I really wanna shout it out loud with the top of my voice at the mountain.. I really cry it out until i have no more depression in me.. But i need to stay strong.. i need to know that nothings goes wrong.. and everything is gonna be fine ..

As most of people know what's happening to me. Yes, my mom. It's been so sudden for everything to happen in this time.. and so many things were not prepared.. or even having doubts or know of..I believe this round, it's really a nudge to everyone, especially my family, siblings, and most of all - me.

I couldn't bear the pain of looking into her being like this. I could felt the pain so badly, and i know she's in it 10 times more than all of us.. It's like a dead and live war for all.. and by that i must know, we are the soldiers for her that supports and cheer her.. as this is the only thing we could do, we are not doctors or even God..

It was really , really sudden for me .. as Sunday morning she called me and telling me how much she got better, even by her voice i can hear that she's under a good recovery.. and just right in the afternoon, everything were rotated, changed, reverted, worse like devils that pulls her into hell immediately.. My mind was totally blank, and i really don't know what to do for this 2 days.. but only to stay strong and spiritually support.. it break my heart the worst when my mom says she feels like giving up already.. the mind and feelings were just indescribable..

Everything got hit me so hard.. by knowing how much she actually loves everyone of us.. and for me.. she's been only worrying for me so much, so much that i didn't care of.. so much that i didn't realize of.. until this mean of point time.. When i already found it out.. It was alittle too late.. I can't give her hugs that i think is childish, i can't say I Love You to her that i think is weird, i can't tell her about my daily life as i think it's annoying.. So much things that i could regret of .. I just can't do it now..

I am still lost, really.. I don't know what to do right now.. What i can do it's just depending on God.. at least God gave me a peaceful heart today.. that really calms me and make me think all about the right things and positive things.. God you shown me vision, and i believe she will be fine. I believe this is the time where you allow yourself and gave her an opportunity to know you once again, an opportunity for my family to believe that you are the true healer and doctor that in this universe.. Because you shown me and told me she will be well.. and with faith of mustard seed you will show grace and mercy upon my mom..

I'm just hoping everything to be fine. Mom, you need to see me graduate. You will need to see i marry and have kids.. we have so many things that we haven't done.. You need to be strong and don't give up.. I really hope you will see this.. and hear everyone that in your surrounding is praying and supporting you..

God, i will just surrender everything to you.. Because i know you are the only one that could help her pull through everything.. May you give all of us the Peace.. This Storm, will be a bright sky just right after today..