02 November 2010

Is 1:47a.m. and is exam period. Fixing my server and now only study..

Is been a long time I've not update my blog, seriously 24 hours now are just not enough for me, Every second now is fully occupied. I barely breath and stuff out with all my works and studies and other stuff.

Going school early in the morning, hardly gain any sleep from the previous night. Exams, study, and back to house, think of what to it is just the most annoying and frustrated part, i mean I'm enough of using brain juice , so yea.. I'll just eat anything that's on the table.

Is a full 1st month for my server Ragnarok Online, official launched. I learned alot, alot, and alot. I understands how working are like, Although I'm not like really working, it really gave so much, efforts, time, concentration, ideas, etc. Only you will gain for it. Priority for the players are always the first, for such a characteristic and personality of me, people who steps on or flame on me will directly get back a full 200% reflection, but now i can't just because to remain them. Maybe someone will come to me again and say, " You stupid fella, you're living happily and now u're making yourself with all the burdens and problems and stress " . But at least i satisfied and i got my very 1st dream come true through the server. Gathering all players and my friends back to play. So that we can easily find each other just like the other days. At Least this , made me what's happy. I really dislike for some of my close friends, which take me for granted. I mean i have the right and other committees have the right to give all the final decision, can't you just respect? Is just because I'm too easy to bully and you're my friend You insisted to go your way and asked me to change ? or even blame on me ? I'm here asking you, ever appreciated what i did for you guys? Ever thought of what i did and helped you all on ? I'm fine with it no matter how, just give me respect and obeys what it is.
I've stressed-out, Everyday. Players has non-stop complains EVERYDAY. I mean I really don't feel like login , because is just too bored and mad. Ever saw or heard a guy Cry for their work ? Lol.. I can't believe i'm the one, over stress until i feel the pain in the heart and cried out. But what can I do ? who knows what is happening to me? People would think of , cheh, making a server is so damn easy, lousy administrator, lousy scripter, lousy events , bla bla bla. If you're so clever then fark off my server and go do your own 1. And i guarantee u within 1 month u will close server and with a amount of maximum 20 players included venders or even LESSER.
We humans will never appreciate people, and now I've learn everything that people made, even foods that's so disgusting and hard to eat, They are the people, who uses their heart and efforts to cook for you.
Money are not easy, you might think that i earn alot, but do you know even if i earn, is not enough to pay for my lose weight and sickness now. Wasting all the time in front of the comp, fixing all the stupid stuff. Using all my energy to read tiny little scripts which I don't even understands. I read in google and study for the scripts is more than i studying my own studies now. is really kinda What the Fuck really.
Seriously, i dont think there's anyone appreciate me , no one even comes and ask about how am i recently, telling me not to over stress or whatever. Guess everyone thinks that i'm pretty fine but i'm not. What people knows is just to come to me and complain complain complain and complain , even tiny little problems also come to me bising like no body business.

When I need you now, where are you. You told me not to give up, you told me you will stay beside me..and encourage me.. give me strength.. but there's non now.. I'm being so dumb.. yet i'm willing to.. I'm not being stubborn..at least this stubbornness keeps me a little hope , if i ever give up , stop waiting, or not to endure.. there's not even a 0.001% of Hope.. Everyday.. i've suffer and asked myself.. and blame myself.. for being such a childish person.. is myself whom don't know how to hand hold hard on you.. now the loss is all totally on me.. but i will never give up , no matter how painful this period are.. i will not give up.. until the day u've married..i will not be like last time, having broking promises again..

" Love Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends, as for prophets, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away "
1 Corinthians 13:7 - 8