07 March 2010

Is a total even number of 18 Days with you.. i never thought of will end just like this.. and yet i've yet prepared to overcome and face this day..
Everyday was numbered and reminded in my mind.. i never forget the 1st time i saw u , the 1st time we were in the car, how we started, how we 1st hold hand, all the 1st time with u.. it just.. flash back like no body else right now.. i miss everything.. i miss the feeling that being hug by u .. i miss the feeling of being sayang by u .. i miss .. alot alot .. alot alot of things.. i'm sorry.. i believe i gave u alot of problems and worries.. that even more than happiness i gave.. but each things u gave me.. is pure happiness.. maybe no 1 understands this relationship or understands u .. but i do .. from the day we know each other.. we are just like a long lost "sibling" .. i'm just like u, and u're like me.. our similarities and likeness.. are just can't be describe .. there's too much .. too much of things we are same.. the security feel that u gave me.. is just can't be describe.. i just.. dont know how to explain .. is too much and too wide...
I'm total heart break.. and i really can't put down yet.. but i must.. for God.. which is right.. i've never been like this before.. i just experience what is the true love relationship .. even it is abnormal to people.. but is still the same for me..
I just don't know why .. I just have too much things to say and apologize.. i shouldn't start.. if i knew this is the ending and i ever use my brain to think before.. Please.. don't say the 3 months curse of relationship.. i believe and i know.. u will have 1 eternal and real relationship ..
u know me well.. u know each part of my weakness and also my history.. if this relationship is available and right , i'll be continue with u.. is true.. i never want to let go my hand with u..
I'm sorry.. really sorry.. billions of sorry.. i know sorry is not everything.. i just gave u another bad experience which u already have 1 .. I just can't resist crying everytime i think of u , u know..? i was wondering the whole day , and dare not call or message u .. i felt guilty .. why it is always happens like this.. i just want u to be happy.. but i made the opposite way ..
My life.. is just like high and low mountains.. problematic and bombastic .. no ordinary problems that is occurs to me.. i never have a breath to settle down and have 1 day without problems.. i'm always need to settle each big stuff .. people who understands may know and comment, but people who thinks im talking big. Get lost in my blog and never give me any comments.. and i know that only God.. can give me judge and comments.. because he's my Father and everything..
All these problems.. yes.. it do makes me grow in spiritually and physically a lot.. i've gain experience more than anyone else.. but everytime.. why can't i just have a smile settling these? why am i always tears off and purely heart tackle .. ? i asked God this.. millions.. and billions times..

to U .. please know that.. u're really a great great person.. u're heart is pure and nice.. u really gave me the happiest moment in this 18 days.. i really hope i can walk finish with u for a month until u go to Kampar.. thank you.. for everything u had gave me.. thank you.. for taking care me.. please.. remember what u've promise me.. try ur best.. i know u can do it.. find the true self of u.. dont keep thinking u can't.. think positive.. think not the facts and reality that affects u but what is right for u..

Is actually a happy day for today 07 of each month.. i guess not today.. sry for making u worry too .. i promise i'll be fine alright..?

Well .. guess i will stuck and need time for recovery.. weeks..? or even months..? who knows..

i'm still .. don't know what to say other than I Love You..Thank You..

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